Does the Mideast Need a New Hobby?

Three Die as Protests Continue Over Cartoons

And the riots continue. Again. Still. Jesus Christ. Don’t these people have Playstations to go home to? I think Playstation should come out with a “Mideast Riot” game so these people can go home and play while sitting on a comfortable sofa or rug or broken piece of wall or whatever. Just imagine, they could be developing blisters on their thumbs while throwing virtual rocks and molotov cocktails (and earning extra points by burning effigies of GW Bush).

Which brings me to today’s topic: Finding a new hobby for the people of the middle east. A less harmful one – or maybe it’s a more harmful one – or more harmful for them and less for us? I don’t know. Bear with me…

Violence is like a national pastime for some middle-eastern countries. Sometimes I think these people just don’t have anything better to do. No national sports teams. No sitcoms. No “E True Hollywood Story.” No tractor pulls. No “Pimp My Ride.” No shopping malls. Violence, terrorism, rioting, IS what they do with their leisure time.

So what did we do? We sent more violence. I’m sure they love it. To them it’s like the freakin’ Super Bowl.

Politically-minded Americans are always irritated that most Americans are so complacent. And they SHOULD be irritated. Our leaders lie to us on a daily basis and, still, more votes are cast during American Idol than our Presidential election. (Perhaps, if President Bush bombed Hollywood, maybe THEN Americans would go out and spend some time throwing rocks at cars.) If Americans are no mind-numbingly distracted with pointless pastimes, hobbies and products, let’s ship some of it to a region that needs it. Let’s export couch-potatoness to the Middle East! What they need is cable TV, fast food, video games, celebrity tabloids. What they need is the NFL!

Now, I realize that not all middle easterners are violent or terrorists. Hell, an argument can be made that some of them have a right to be pissed off. In fact, some of the world’s greatest scientific minds are coming out of that region. Many want to come here, to the US, to be educated. And live. And work. And be productive members of society. And, really, they’re the ones that we should be going to for help.

Let’s offer them a deal. Come to America. We’ll teach you rocket science, physics, bio technology, chemistry, computer programming…
Then, you go back to the Middle East and teach people. Teach them how to download music to an iPod. Let ‘em try corn chips. Show them how to deepfry a turkey. Porn? Sure, what the hell. I’m sure Jews would rather sit on a bus next to a masturbating Palestinian than one with a bomb strapped to his chest. Hey, I’m all for creating a Palestinian state; I just think they should be negotiating it over a plate of Sweet & Sour Chicken at the Panda Express Buffet. It’s hard to get motivated to blow yourself up with a belly full of Chinese food. (Well, for about a half-hour anyhow.) Am I right?

Let’s do it. Fuck the prisons and military bases we keep building over there. Let’s build shopping malls. Send Walmart. An end cap full of personal massagers are exactly what they need to get their minds off filling bottles with gasoline. And if that doesn’t do the trick, I’m betting super-sized fries will.

As Americans, we KNOW what OUR problem is. We just can’t stop. We’re addicted to the crap. What could be a better weapon against Muslim extremism than the same shit that’s killing us?


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