Building Loony Town

You ARE aware that some asshole is building a whole town for religious loonies with the intention of excluding anything that doesn’t fit their religious beliefs:

Ave Maria town may be contraceptive-free

ACLU opposes creation of ‘Catholic town’
Dominoes founder want to build new town with ‘Catholic values’

Gov. Bush praises Ave Maria

You guys just KNEW I would be all over this one.
But I bet you didn’t know I’d think it was a SPECTACULAR idea!

Let’s ignore, for a moment, the fact that Howard Simon from the ACLU is correct, and explore why we should let the religious nut jobs go ahead with this plan anyway.

Let’s see, where do I begin? Well, I guess we could take the scenic route; I’ve been meaning to get around to this anyway, and this is as good a time as any, so… it’s like this…

I’ve always been profoundly irritated with people who oppose the concept of Separation of Church and State – you know the kind, the kind who deny such a thing should even exist. The kind who will go on the TV pundit shows and scream into the camera, “Show me where, in the Constitution, it says there has to be a separation between church and state!” If Jaundice James could get his hands around these people’s necks, he’d squeeze and squeeze, and just before they lost consciousness, he’d whisper one little question in their ear, “If you don’t want a separation between church and state, have you considered the alternative?”

Let’s take a moment to consider that alternative:

The government would be allowed to create laws based on religious beliefs. Considering how our current system works, you HAVE to assume that laws will be created based on the desires of the constituencies of our representatives – their “base”, their campaign contributors. You think the religious right has influence over our elected officials now? Imagine if those officials weren’t restricted by a separation between church and state. To put this another way:
Imagine laws that require everyone to attend church services every Sunday.
Imagine laws forbidding birth control.
Imagine laws forbidding the sale of meat on Friday.
Imagine laws forbidding work on Sunday.
Imagine laws forcing homosexuals into “reprogramming” camps.
Imagine laws banning divorce.
Imagine laws requiring women to do their “wifely duties”, according to the bible.
Imagine laws prohibiting women from going back to their careers after having children.
Imagine laws restricting scientific research, what books can be published, what science can be taught in schools…
Imagine what tax dollars will be paying for. (Super-churches?)
Imagine churches paying taxes. (It swings both ways, right?)
Might they ban alcohol? Certain music? R-rated movies? Thong underware? (Thong outerware?)
Might people be imprisoned for having pre-marital sex?
Not to mention various attempts to standardize and make official versions of the Ten Commandments, The Lord’s Prayer, and a million other items that usually vary depending on specific denominations within the Christian faith.
Imagine religous DOGMA being enforced by police.

I know, you’re going to say that this is what religious people want, but they don’t. Believe me, they don’t. Even if we set aside the usually hypocritical nature of highly-religious folks, and the fact that they often stray from their “values” (Ahem. I mean, we’ve all heard about Catholic-school girls, right?) and assume they’re all willing to walk the walk ALL THE TIME, or ELSE, it simply doesn’t fit the lifestyle of even the people who DO consider themselves good Christians. Sure, it’s true that 80% of the US population considers themselves to be Christian, but I’ve seen survey after survey that shows that about 90% of THOSE like to pick and choose what they agree and disagree with or what they choose to follow or not to follow, with only a small portion of Christians actually being loyal to all the rules of their particular denomination.

What I’m saying is this, just let them try it somewhere, and then let them lie in the bed they made. When this idea was first born as a tiny spark in my brain, years ago, I was thinking Texas. Since then, I’ve realized just how fucked up Florida is, and obviously, since then, Kansas has just gone completely off-the-map bonkers, but just for posterity’s sake, let’s say it’s Texas. All the religious wakos move to Texas, build a fence around it, completely remove the separation of church and state and start doing what ever they want. Let them do it. Make them live in their own filth. It’ll be chaos. With that many people, all vying to have their own religious beliefs made into law, while suffocating under the dogma of the most extreme among them, they’ll be trampling each other just to poke their heads out into the openness of a secular nation to take a breath of freedom. The place will simply implode with religious oppression, extremism and infighting. Within 10 years, the place will be a smoldering husk, reeking of the same religious horrors that once plagued the original colonies of America.

And, from that moment on, it’ll give the country a shining example of what happens when the religious loonies get their way. For the rest of history, people will be able to point to the smoking carnage of Texas and say, “SEE! THAT’S what happens when you don’t have a separation between church and state”, and tell the religious nuts to sit down, shut up, and enjoy their secular government.

This all leads to why I think they should be allowed to proceed with Loony Town. It will fail. And when it does, there will, hopefully, be a lesson learned. Of course, fortunately for me, not ONLY will it fail, but it will be highly entertaining in the process. Who the hell would want to live in Loony Town anyway? Why would anyone intentionally put themselves in a community full of oppressive, window-peeping busybodies? Oh, I’m sure they’ll just irritate the hell out of each other. And us atheists will have a ball. Want to have some fun? Somebody buy an ice-cream truck, fill it full of condoms, morning-after pills and porn, and drive it up and down the streets of Loony Town ringing a big fucking bell. That would be one hell of a money-making enterprise; you’d be the only game in town!

Unfortunately, I think this whole venture will fail before it really gets fun, before we see any real carnage. Maybe next time they’ll aim higher, and we can let ‘em have Texas.

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