“Check, please!” (comedy sketch)

“Check, Please!”
by
Jim L. Cunningham

INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT

No dialogue in this sketch. Only sound is a light clinking of dishes and soft violin music.

 In the foreground, an attractive, well-dressed couple sits at a table for two, clearly on a date. Further backstage, another, less-attractive, frumpy-looking couple also sits at a table for two. Also, clearly on a date.

 BACK TABLE

Frumpy woman talks continuously [pantomiming, as there is no sound] while frumpy man mostly ignores her and intently watches the couple at the front table.

FRONT TABLE

Attractive woman excuses herself, presumably to go to the restroom, gets up and leaves.

BACK TABLE

Frumpy man sighs, appears impatient and bored until he sees the attractive woman return and begins watching the couple again.

FRONT TABLE

Attractive woman returns to her table, sits, holds up a sexy and delicate-looking pair of undies, and drops them on the table in front of her date.

BACK TABLE (SIMULTANEOUSLY)

Frumpy man’s eyes widen as he continues to watch.

FRONT TABLE

Stunned, and pleasantly surprised, but confident-looking, attractive man picks up the undies, looks at them approvingly, smiles at her, slips the undies into his pocket, and signals for the check.

BACK TABLE (SIMULTANEOUSLY)

Frumpy man has been watching the whole time, mouth hanging open by now.

FRONT TABLE

The waiter brings the check immediately. Attractive man quickly tucks a few bills neatly into the check folder. The couple stands and leaves with their arms around each other and exchanging knowing glances.

BACK TABLE

Frumpy man closes mouth, looks intently at his (still talking) date, and then turns and stares off in the distance, stroking chin, obviously thinking. His eyes widen as he gets an idea and nods.

Frumpy man excuses himself and leaves in the direction of the bathroom.

Frumpy woman, bored, looks around the room

Frumpy man returns to table, sits, holds up a dingy old pair of men’s “whitie-tighties” and drops them on the table in front of her. One corner of them is now in her soup.

Stunned, she stares at them in front of her with a blank expression. Then she looks up at him, then back at the underwear, back at him. He looks tentative now, for the first time appearing unsure of his plan. She smiles and raises an eyebrow, looking aroused. Man smiles back. Still smiling, she reaches down, picks up the underwear, holds them to her face, and breathes deeply from them. She lets her hair down, shaking it out, and fixes him with a passionate stare. Man appears shocked and pleasantly surprised that it worked so well, begins snapping for the waiter, who promptly delivers his check. Man, hands shaking, pulls wadded up bills from his pockets and stuffs them in-artfully into the check folder. They leave together, arms around each other.

[END]

FOLLOW-UP VERSION: (second sketch later in same night)

Sketch begins the same (shorter version) except, instead of attractive woman leaving for the bathroom, she hikes up her skirt and removes her undies right there at the table. They turn out to be ugly whitie-tighties and she drops them on the table. Her date looks absolutely disgusted.

Nearby, frumpy woman sees this and is totally turned on. She jumps up, makes eye contact with attractive woman, they kiss and leave together.

Both men are left sitting there surprised.

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One Response to ““Check, please!” (comedy sketch)”

  1. Funny! Which door is the tiger behind!
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

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